What do you mean you don’t see them!? They’re everywhere! 

A man who had been doing meth for about two days opened fire on what he thought were thieves trying to break into his LaGrange, Ind., home, but the people turned out to be completely imaginary. After engaging in the gun battle with his hallucinations, he ran outside, where the cops found him yelling and swinging a broom handle.

HMMM, COOLER THAN I EXPECTED: At a gas station in England, an elderly man mistook a slushy machine for a hand sanitizer dispenser and squirted a good amount of ice-cold raspberry slush onto his hands.

WHAT ARE YOU, AN EXPERT? In Japan, where the theft of women’s panties is not uncommon, a man stole a G-string from the balcony of a ground-floor, Matsuyama apartment, where it was hanging out to dry. When police told the thief it belonged to a man, he became confused, saying, “No way was it for men.”

DON’T TELL ME I’M NOT OK TO DRIVE! A drunk tried to buy beer at a convenience store in Portland, Ore., but the clerk refused to sell it to him. So he peeled out of the parking lot and crashed his car into a telephone pole.

SO HE MAY HAVE BEEN UP TO NO GOOD: A man high on narcotics broke into a home in Columbus, Ohio, and passed out on the living room floor. Police could not determine his intent, as he was so intoxicated that he didn’t know where he was or what he was doing there. But the cops found a pair of handcuffs and multiple zip-ties in his backpack, and he was armed with a .22 caliber handgun.

ARRRGH! I’M A PIRATE, MATEY! A man jumped over a security gate on the Trinity Buoy Wharf at 3 a.m., and stole a river bus, used for commuting and leisure trips, on the Thames River in London. Marine officers, flashing the blue lights on their boat, chased him down, boarded the vessel and arrested him.

SOMETHING IS NOT QUITE RIGHT HERE: An 18-year-old rapper in Virginia sat patiently for two hours while the words “dream chaser” were tattooed on his forearm. He realized only later that the words were backward, and could be read only in a mirror.

SWAT! SWAT! KA-BOOOM! A man in his 80s, unaware that there was a leak from a gas canister, tried to kill a fly with an electric swatter in his home in the village of Parcoul-Chenaud in southwestern France, setting off an explosion that destroyed part of the house.

THAT’LL BUFF RIGHT OUT: A truck with its dump box in the raised position drove under a bridge in Ottawa at a high rate of speed, ripping off the dump box while the rest of the vehicle kept moving.

HEY, HOW DID YOU GET HERE SO FAST, OFFICER? A drunk driver was arrested after he crashed into the rear of a Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office patrol unit in the center lane on Highway 60 in Valrico, Fla., at 4:43 in the morning.



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